You know how sometimes you have to hold in poo while taking a piss?

[lollypop]

I bet that's a lot harder for girls sitting down, huh?

[Wayward]

I more often have to hold in piss while taking a poo, tbh. Don't want to piss then accidentally splash it back on myself.

ALTERNATE POST:

I don't know. Why don't you watch them and find out?

[FarKalkir]

You are so weird.

[Kirby]

I pee sitting down and I can tell you I don't have any trouble with it.

[RhettSarlin]

i have no idea what d2's talking about, it's easy to do both at the same time. i go into the bathroom, sit down and UNLEASH

[Moki]

i poo rainbows

[Qwo]

i have no idea what d2's talking about, it's easy to do both at the same time. i go into the bathroom, sit down and UNLEASH
nomination for worst post ever?

[lollypop]

Why would you sit down and poo when that's exactly the thing you're trying to avoid? I only have time to pee right now, you'll get your chance later poop!

[Wayward]

You...you like the feeling you get from holding it in, don't you?

[lollypop]

You...you like the feeling you get from holding it in, don't you?

7KGRZuWXVhA

[DUATE]

I bet that's a lot harder for girls sitting down, huh?
wait you think it's hard to poop while sitting down?

[SupremeGod]

He likes to lay on his stomach.

[nikolai]

Why would you sit down and poo when that's exactly the thing you're trying to avoid? I only have time to pee right now, you'll get your chance later poop!

what the fuck

[Pearl Campbell]

Why would you sit down and poo when that's exactly the thing you're trying to avoid? I only have time to pee right now, you'll get your chance later poop!
You avoid pissing while you shit??? Que??

[lollypop]

Are you all retarded or something?

You go to the bathroom to take a piss, when you get there all of a sudden it feels like you have to take a shit too but you don't have time right now so you tighten your sphincter while peeing.

[Moki]

Go on d2. School these fools on pooping.

[Qwo]

Are you all retarded or something?

You go to the bathroom to take a piss, when you get there all of a sudden it feels like you have to take a shit too but you don't have time right now so you tighten your sphincter while peeing.
...

[lollypop]

Good post qwo, you look smarter already.

[Qwo]

more than you, at any rate

[DUATE]

i pee while i poop and have never had a negative consequence with it

[RhettSarlin]

uh. i have never had that situation, ever. if i gotta go i gotta go, especially if i need to take a dump, since i would rather not end up having it suddenly become uncontrollable while i'm away from the bathroom.

[nikolai]

the one thread where rhett looks normal

[RhettSarlin]

it's d24e, nik. any thread we both post in, i look normal.

[Q-4PO]

A more important question is after you poo do you stand up and wipe or wipe while sitting down. Also front to back or back to front.

Also if somone leaves a poo in the toilet do you flush then pee or try to chop it in half with your pee stream. Or piss on one side trying to create some sort of poo log roll.

[Kirby]

Also if somone leaves a poo in the toilet do you flush then pee or try to chop it in half with your pee stream. Or piss on one side trying to create some sort of poo log roll.

What the hell?

[lollypop]

If you have a bidet to sprinkle your ass clean, do you then use toilet paper to soak up the water that's remaining?

And do you control the duration and power of the water jets? Does it make you feel cleaner than normal wiping of your ass?

[nikolai]

most americans have never seen a bidet

[Agent Blip]

who is on that tight of schedule? you must decide, number 1 or 2, you'll have time for the other later.

[Agent Blip]

my grandma has a bidet but i dont think she uses it for her tush.

[Tom Servo]

I feel this weird pain in my neck when I read through this thread.

It's like Im suffocating.

[Q-4PO]

most americans have never seen a bidet

Truth but the questons still applies. Poo log roll? Front to back or back to front?

[lollypop]

I take my sweet time when I go for a crap. Get some reading done and use like 1/4 of a toilet paper roll.

[MMM]

Truth but the questons still applies. Poo log roll? Front to back or back to front?

The cut in half only works when the poo has sat in the water for awhile. It has to be moist poo.

[Kirby]

most americans have never seen a bidet

I didn't even know what a bidet was...so I wiki'd it. It sounds weird, and I'm still not entirely sure how it works. Are there any videos or something available where I could learn more?

[lollypop]

Imagine a short guy pissing at full strength into some moist poo and little drops of it splashing up to his lips. hahaha

[tkups]

hahahahahaha

haha....ha...........ha

*looks around uncomfortably*

[HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA COCKS]

Imagine a short guy pissing at full strength into some moist poo and little drops of it splashing up to his lips. hahaha

i think altavista translator must be broken

[Corbu]

and people say americans are dumb

good god

[RhettSarlin]

A more important question is after you poo do you stand up and wipe or wipe while sitting down.

what O_o who the hell stands to wipe??? that's INSANE.

Also front to back or back to front.

back to front generally.

Also if somone leaves a poo in the toilet do you flush then pee or try to chop it in half with your pee stream. Or piss on one side trying to create some sort of poo log roll.

i get grossed out and look away from the toilet while flushing. poo disgusts me in every way, i cant stand the sight of it, not even my own.

[Corbu]

front to back

don't want no poo on your junk

[FM]

I bet that's a lot harder for girls sitting down, huh?

even I don't think that thought

[DUATE]

stand up, reach around, front to back

[Corbu]

how else would you do it other than reach around?

stick you hand between your legs?

[FM]

hey guys let's have some gay sex in this thread

[Qwo]

I stand up :shun:

[Corbu]

sometimes I stand up

usually I won't because i'm lazy

[DUATE]

how else would you do it other than reach around?

stick you hand between your legs?
yup

[Corbu]

that seems dangerous

[Qwo]

you could go in sideways

[Corbu]

you could take a chain saw and cut your body in half and just not worry about having an ass

[Q-4PO]

stand up, reach around, front to back

I figured you for a stander upper. I'm always afraid if i stand up ther might be a dangler still hangin on that might fall into my pants if i stand. If just seems a higher potential for mess making if you stand imo.

[RhettSarlin]

I figured you for a stander upper. I'm always afraid if i stand up ther might be a dangler still hangin on that might fall into my pants if i stand. If just seems a higher potential for mess making if you stand imo.

no kidding. plus standing it would be HARDER for me to reach, plus less comfortable, plus i'd have to bend over still a little so i wouldnt see the point.

[Qwo]

yeah I don't have turds dangling from my butthole after a shit

or a huge fat ass

[DUATE]

my penis boner finally grew enough to be able to touch the toilet guys

so to show off my manliness to everybody else, i peed without pooping and then did a pullup

[Q-4PO]

yeah I don't have turds dangling from my butthole after a shit

or a huge fat ass

I'm not even close to fat but i still see the potential for poo issues with standing. I think my fear stems from this one time i ran out of TP so i pinched off the log stood up and got some paper, sat back down wiped went to pull my pants up and there was a small poo in my pants. Maybe it was a freak occurance but ever since then wiping while standing just seems too risky.

[Q-4PO]

my penis boner finally grew enough to be able to touch the toilet guys

so to show off my manliness to everybody else, i peed without pooping and then did a pullup

Penis boner? What other kind of boners do you have?

[Qwo]

face ones

[DUATE]

chest penis boners

[HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA COCKS]

chest penis boners

i hate when jackets do that!

[Cronk]

stand up, reach around, front to back

winner. I'd hi-5 you, but I dunno if you wash your hands.

And how the hell do you wipe sitting down? I never considered that a possibility... I'm picturing myself drunk and rolling off the side of the toilet or something.

[DUATE]

winner. I'd hi-5 you, but I dunno if you wash your hands.

And how the hell do you wipe sitting down? I never considered that a possibility... I'm picturing myself drunk and rolling off the side of the toilet or something.yes. I wash my hands every single time, even though you dont really need to when just pissing. AND i keep an eye out for people at bars who don't exhibit signs of hand-washing as they exit the bathroom (rubbing their hands on their pants, for example, means their hands are still a little damp after the toweling-off), so just in case i meet them i give them a head movement "wassup" instead of shaking their hand.


and yeah, how can people sit down and wipe? there's like 3 inches between your front and the toilet seat, and you pretty much have to stick your hand IN the toilet bowl to reach through to your butt. I'm not in the habit of putting my hands in toilet bowls.

also, when you stand and wipe, it's not like you stand up completely straight, its more like a hover

[Cronk]

which makes me REALLY worry about the dudes who don't wash. So there's people out there who might not wash AND have their hands IN the toilet bowl. wtf.

and restaurant biz made me a fanatic about handwashing.

[nikolai]

most bathroom doors require you to pull the handle to open them

which means you're touching the germs of every man who didnt wash.

[RhettSarlin]

and yeah, how can people sit down and wipe? there's like 3 inches between your front and the toilet seat, and you pretty much have to stick your hand IN the toilet bowl to reach through to your butt. I'm not in the habit of putting my hands in toilet bowls.

....you reach from the back. reach hand back behind, and under. as i said, i go back to front with it. i never get anything on my hands from it. i wash them anyway though, yes.

[Q-4PO]

I do this move where i tilt my body to the side which lifts one cheek pretty high. Makes for a nice spread so i can really get my anus clean. You never know when a chick might want to toss your salad and if you got a dingle berry thats pretty much a deal breaker unless she's super nasty.

[nikolai]

you know i've never been in that situation

i'm not gonna lie.

[Q-4PO]

you know i've never been in that situation

i'm not gonna lie.

Well maybe you would be if you wiped properly

[Welshy]

Oh man


A+ thread everyone. d2 always delivers.

[Cronk]

Oh man


A+ thread everyone. d2 always delivers.

unless he doesn't have time. then he holds it.

[Cronk]

d2 needs to make more threads. they rival FA's for WTF value.

[Welshy]

tighten the sphincter was the high point, till he tried to describe a bidet.

I get the feeling his description is what he actually imagines happens.

[Cronk]

tighten the sphincter was the high point, till he tried to describe a bidet.

I get the feeling his description is what he actually imagines happens.

i disagree. Him laughing at his own fledgling attempt at imagination was the high point for me.

[Welshy]

And stand up? What the hell how fat are you?

You just roll up and forward on one side, like taking out your wallet while sitting in a car.

[HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA COCKS]

And stand up? What the hell how fat are you?

You just roll up and forward on one side, like taking out your wallet while sitting in a car.

perfect analogy.

[Cronk]

And stand up? What the hell how fat are you?

You just roll up and forward on one side, like taking out your wallet while sitting in a car.

I don't like the idea of my hand going in the toilet.

And how did this get to page 2 with noone asking d2 why he needs a 1/4 roll of toilet paper, especially when he uses a bidet? Does he bathe in the damned thing, then dry off with TP?

[Cronk]

This also explains why it's awkward for me to get my wallet out of my pants when I'm in the car and wearing jeans, yet other people pull it off with no problems.

[Welshy]

Better question: DO you scrunch or fold?

[Cronk]

good question! Scrunch, and if I'm low on TP, i'll scrunch, fold, and attempt to re-use in a very risky proposition.

[Cronk]

like, scrunch it first, then attempt to cover over the wiped poo by folding over another piece, then re-using. This is only for emergencies tho, of course!

[Cronk]

And what brand of TP? Aloe or no aloe?

I don't often splurge on something, but I splurge on TP. I HATE hard TP that scratches my delicates.

edit: I should probably change the word "splurge". oh well.

[Welshy]

ugh the twofer is my nightmare


was there dirt under my fingernail BEFORE I tried this?

[Cronk]

unclean! UNCLEAN!!!

[nikolai]

investing in toilet paper with high tensile strength allows you to perform those risky maneuvers with relative ease

threefer, its the only way to fly

[Q-4PO]

And stand up? What the hell how fat are you?

You just roll up and forward on one side, like taking out your wallet while sitting in a car.

Yes, perfect discription. I think this should officially be considered the "right" way to wipe your ass with all other ways being considered less popular alternatives except standing thats just weird.

[RhettSarlin]

Yes, perfect discription. I think this should officially be considered the "right" way to wipe your ass with all other ways being considered less popular alternatives except standing thats just weird.

agreed. welshy put it 100x better than i managed to.

[HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA COCKS]

scrunch. make for much more surface area.

[Cronk]

I hate when you imagine your finger suddenly feels moist. You're 90% sure it's either your imagination or excess ass-sweat from over-exhertion, but that little paranoid part of your brain gets all wigged out by the thought of accidental poo contact.

[Welshy]

do you wipe right or left handed?

I get the felling if i tried with my left, my whole wrist and ass would be smeared with shit before i was done.

[RhettSarlin]

right. i'm scared to try left.

[Cronk]

There is no "right way"

It's how I was trained! I can't help it! And I'm certainly not learning a new method after 25+ years of use!!!

[Welshy]

guys we're through the looking glass here


it's shaking apart i know but try to hold on

[Welshy]

scrunch. make for much more surface area.

I fold then scrunch


maximum barrier to poop

[nikolai]

whoa now that i think about it im an ambidextrous wiper

oh, and i stand up too. well, its like a half stand with knees bent, legs spread apart so maximum surface wipage with minimal chances of contact

[RhettSarlin]

I hate when you imagine your finger suddenly feels moist. You're 90% sure it's either your imagination or excess ass-sweat from over-exhertion, but that little paranoid part of your brain gets all wigged out by the thought of accidental poo contact.

do you ever smell your fingers after wiping to make sure nothing got on them?

[Cronk]

do you wipe right or left handed?

I get the felling if i tried with my left, my whole wrist and ass would be smeared with shit before i was done.

i'm left-handed, and I don't try with my right anymore. Between the poor cleaning job, and the 15 minute break while I slip and pleasure myself, I've learned it's better not to go down that ugly brown road.

[Welshy]

There is no "right way"

It's how I was trained! I can't help it! And I'm certainly not learning a new method after 25+ years of use!!!

But when you stand up, dont your cheeks squash up closer?

[Q-4PO]

I fold in an attemt to make one long poo racing stipe on my paper then fold again as to not waste.

About once a year i wipe, check out the paper and nothing, then wipe again and still no poo. Its nice having a clean shit like that every so often but it always makes me thing there's something wrong with me.

[Cronk]

whoa now that i think about it im an ambidextrous wiper

oh, and i stand up too. well, its like a half stand with knees bent, legs spread apart so maximum surface wipage with minimal chances of contact

agreed. I don't stand, I kinda hunch.

Wait... do the sitters flush while you're still ON the toilet? :O_o:

[Welshy]

do you ever smell your fingers after wiping to make sure nothing got on them?

we're red lining!

stay on target

[nikolai]

agreed. I don't stand, I kinda hunch.

Wait... do the sitters flush while you're still ON the toilet? :O_o:

probably.

barbarians.

[RhettSarlin]

looking at the paper = uh no. i drop it as soon as i've wiped, get another sheet if necessary. even with multiple wipes i use less than a lot of people do, i know this for sure...

[HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA COCKS]

agreed. I don't stand, I kinda hunch.

Wait... do the sitters flush while you're still ON the toilet? :O_o:

god no. thats terrifying.

[RhettSarlin]

agreed. I don't stand, I kinda hunch.

Wait... do the sitters flush while you're still ON the toilet? :O_o:

no. well. not always. i have before. but generally no.

[Cronk]

But when you stand up, dont your cheeks squash up closer?

I think I do a better job since I can use the off-hand to assist with spreadage. I never thought of the sitting method before tho, so it's possible there's some unfortunate smooshing of poo while rising from the sitting position, letting cheeks smash together, and then re-spreading.

I must ponder this new development.

[Welshy]

I fold in an attemt to make one long poo racing stipe on my paper then fold again as to not waste.

About once a year i wipe, check out the paper and nothing, then wipe again and still no poo. Its nice having a clean shit like that every so often but it always makes me thing there's something wrong with me.

A clean snap-off is something to be proud of.


Also, it means your body is working correctly. Smeary shit and multiple sheets of tooty roll are caused by a bad diet.

[Welshy]

Ok guys


Do you look?

[RhettSarlin]

HELL NO

[HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA COCKS]

yeah. i always have to confirm that a second flush isnt necessary.

[Welshy]

I mean before the first flush

[Cronk]

looking at the paper = uh no. i drop it as soon as i've wiped, get another sheet if necessary. even with multiple wipes i use less than a lot of people do, i know this for sure...

Dude, aren't you the one who told me I freaked out too much about poo-girl? I don't like my poo (that's half a lie... I like the act of pooing), but I'm not irrationally afraid of it.

"How about, That's Pure Concentrated Evil Coming Out Of Your Backside?

"perfect"

[nikolai]

always, i'm a curious animal

[Cronk]

I mean before the first flush

well, since I'm standing, I HAVE to look back to make sure the TP is thrown properly into the bowl. Missing is fatal, of course.

SEE?! We do things so different, there's a ton of extra factors to take into account! ALL BETS ARE OFF!!!

edit: I'd look anyways tho.

[RhettSarlin]

Dude, aren't you the one who told me I freaked out too much about poo-girl? I don't like my poo (that's half a lie... I like the act of pooing), but I'm not irrationally afraid of it.

"How about, That's Pure Concentrated Evil Coming Out Of Your Backside?

"perfect"

you freaked out by actually freaking out. i just get disgusted. i dont freak out and do stupid stuff like tell the poop to get out of my house for letting me see it in my toilet.

[Q-4PO]

you freaked out by actually freaking out. i just get disgusted. i dont freak out and do stupid stuff like tell the poop to get out of my house for letting me see it in my toilet.

LMAO, second best analogy in this thread so far, good job.

[DUATE]

i look every time because i have a poo diary in my head. And when i get a perticularly awesome poop i can tell my friends about it. Like the toilet tentacle is my favorite one, where it's in the hole and resting up the front of the bowl. that's bragging rights right there.

and I look at the TP, too, so i can tell if i need to keep wiping

[Cronk]

you freaked out by actually freaking out. i just get disgusted. i dont freak out and do stupid stuff like tell the poop to get out of my house for letting me see it in my toilet.

denial is only the second step. I'm disappointed in you rhett.

Anyone else experience this: I used to attempt to make the longest poo-strings possible, but now I've learned that if I create a massive enough condensed poo, there's a chance of it sticking out of the water and REALLY reeking. I now attempt to pinch it off in sections to keep the beast submerged.

[Welshy]

i did a questionmark once

it was awesome

[Cronk]

dut, wtf. I wanna hi-5 you again.

[DUATE]

hahahaha WELL DONE

[Q-4PO]

I hate the poo that takes forever to come out and feels like a super huge one then when you look back in the toilet(yes i'm a looker) its a tiny embarassing pebble turd.

[Cronk]

welsh: Was it on purpose? Did you have to wiggle around, or did it just magically fall that way?

[Cronk]

I hate the poo that takes forever to come out and feels like a super huge one then when you look back in the toilet(yes i'm a looker) its a tiny embarassing pebble turd.

:lol:

It's like going to the doctors and thinking you have pnemonia, and he gives you a prescription for tylenol and tells you to drink a lot of liquids.

[DUATE]

i hate the ones that feel like theyre going to be epic, but then as soon as it starts pushing out it starts breaking up into small corn pop sized pellets

like UGHHHHH *pip pip pip pipip pippip pip pippip pip*

[Cronk]

i hate the ones that feel like theyre going to be epic, but then as soon as it starts pushing out it starts breaking up into small corn pop sized pellets

like UGHHHHH *pip pip pip pipip pippip pip pippip pip*

I hate the ones where it EXPLODES and you're afraid of how much splash damage you created.

I've learned that earns a courtesy flush, just to catch it all before it hardens.

[RhettSarlin]

i primarily hate the ones that come out halfway and then refuse to drop or be clenched off or be pushed out further or anything. they just hang there like a tail, and laugh at you because you cant go anywhere until theyve fallen. plus even if you did successfully clench them off, their composition is generally such that you still have a big chunk sitting right near the edge and it's very uncomfortable and makes you want to push more....i hate those

[Q-4PO]

i primarily hate the ones that come out halfway and then refuse to drop or be clenched off or be pushed out further or anything. they just hang there like a tail, and laugh at you because you cant go anywhere until theyve fallen. plus even if you did successfully clench them off, their composition is generally such that you still have a big chunk sitting right near the edge and it's very uncomfortable and makes you want to push more....i hate those

Thats called a turtle head or a peaker.

[$1.25]

hahaha

good work gentlemen

[Kirby]

i primarily hate the ones that come out halfway and then refuse to drop or be clenched off or be pushed out further or anything. they just hang there like a tail, and laugh at you because you cant go anywhere until theyve fallen. plus even if you did successfully clench them off, their composition is generally such that you still have a big chunk sitting right near the edge and it's very uncomfortable and makes you want to push more....i hate those

Yeah, those suck. I just bounce up and down and wiggle around on the seat until it falls off.

[Cronk]

Is it ok to claim bragging rights if your bowels have enough force to expel the initial payload so brutally that you dirty the bottom of the toilet lid?

[Cronk]

Thats called a turtle head or a peaker.

I thought a turtle head was when you feel it coming out, possibly already in contact with underwear, and you're attempting to make it to the bathroom before it reaches critical...

[nikolai]

most of the time i've got clean shits

its a great world

though when i was a kid i had horsecocksized turds and it was extremely painful

[Cronk]

And I believe we're officially thru the looking glass and fucking the cheschire cat up his poo-hole at this point.

[$1.25]

how the hell would it get on the bottom of the toilet lid?

do you mean the seat?

[Kirby]

most of the time i've got clean shits

its a great world

though when i was a kid i had horsecocksized turds and it was extremely painful

I've never had a poop so big it hurt. I find the bigger they are, the more pleasurable it is to expel them.

[tkups]

Sometimes I get blood on the TP, but I think thats just from my asshole tearing.

[Cronk]

most of the time i've got clean shits

its a great world

though when i was a kid i had horsecocksized turds and it was extremely painful

I get immense gratification when they're so hard they actually hurt a bit. I could never accept another man's penis up in that range, but I'm perfectly ok enjoying it when I have coal exitting me bum.

[nikolai]

what are you saying kirby

this isnt a thread for gays or women

[Cronk]

how the hell would it get on the bottom of the toilet lid?

do you mean the seat?

The seat, yes, sorry.

I'd have to be in wiping hovermode to hit the lid.

[$1.25]

have you ever gotten a turd snagged in your ass hair

youre not going anywhere buddy

its has to squirm loose like a fourth of july ash snake

[Cronk]

what are you saying kirby

this isnt a thread for gays or women

I regret nothing of the post before this... NOTHING!

[Kirby]

what are you saying kirby

this isnt a thread for gays or women

Of which I am neither.

But I mean come on...sometimes it just feels good...

[$1.25]

The seat, yes, sorry.

I'd have to be in wiping hovermode to hit the lid.

i was worried you were shitting up your back for a second

[tkups]

When it hurts, does that pain go away after the poop is expelled for you guys? It lingers for me, like testicle pain lingers.

[RhettSarlin]

what's trippy is when it's so big when you expel it that it leaves you feeling empty inside, like there should be something there but it's gone. like a vacuum almost.

[Cronk]

have you ever made a mess so epic you decide it's just easier to take a shower?

And does everyone use their shower as a bidet daily, or is it just me? I want that place back there CLEAN. Swamp ass sucks. :emo:

[Welshy]

I hate the ones where it EXPLODES and you're afraid of how much splash damage you created.

I've learned that earns a courtesy flush, just to catch it all before it hardens.

oh man, the shotgun


i get that when i hold in a poop too long, and it goes all rotty

[tkups]

And its mewling, mewling! No thats not right, flush it, flush it before your mind can form permanent memories it was only a poop it was only a poop

[Cronk]

what's trippy is when it's so big when you expel it that it leaves you feeling empty inside, like there should be something there but it's gone. like a vacuum almost.

congratulations. We've now made pooing existential.

[nikolai]

have you ever gotten a turd snagged in your ass hair

youre not going anywhere buddy

its has to squirm loose like a fourth of july ash snake

you've got the goddamned everglades in your pants

[$1.25]

when youre taking a shit, have you ever accidentally pissed on your balls?

[Welshy]

When it hurts, does that pain go away after the poop is expelled for you guys? It lingers for me, like testicle pain lingers.

it dwells, but its a good pain, like after a big workout


gj anus, hit the showers

[Cronk]

i was worried you were shitting up your back for a second

No, but I have something to work towards now.

Thank you for giving me purpose. It's the first time I've found purpose at gat.

[tkups]

when youre taking a shit, have you ever accidentally pissed on your balls?

Is your dick tiny, or perhaps a loop-de-loop?

[DUATE]

I hate the ones where it EXPLODES and you're afraid of how much splash damage you created.

I've learned that earns a courtesy flush, just to catch it all before it hardens.
are you talking about a corker? like where theres a hard bit that takes just a little convincing and then suddenly shoots out in a blast of liquidy poo?

or a shotgun that is the same thing minus the cork

edit: hi5 welshy

[nikolai]

a few times i've accidentally strained too hard and as the poop came out i pissed all over the bathroom

it was moving too fast and i was disoriented i couldnt stop it

[tkups]

I've found that poop pain is excruciating, not pleasurable like burning muscles. As a child, I would hold it in because I hated that pain. Of course, holding it in that long probably is why the pain was so common, but I never made the connection.

[tkups]

Seriously though, how would you piss on your own balls? You'd need small hardware and no water pressure.

[Cronk]

when youre taking a shit, have you ever accidentally pissed on your balls?

no, but I once (while sitting) had condom-piss peg my leg and rebound into the room. I handled it like anyone does when they're mostly asleep... I flailed my arms ineffectually for a few seconds, and then made a BIGGER mess attempting to fix the problem.

[Welshy]

sometimes when im doing an epic shit in the middle of summer, its gets all sweaty and steamy in there and i feel like colonel kurtz

the horror

[$1.25]

Is your dick tiny, or perhaps a loop-de-loop?

a little from column a, a little from column b

actually im not sure exactly how it happens, just all of sudden im like, wait a second

something just pissed on my balls

maybe its bouncing off the porcelain or something

maybe i have really hangy balls

[nikolai]

sometimes i feel like the poop just forced my anus into a goatse and its highly uncomfortable until it goes back in

[Welshy]

ever poop with a boner? there's whole bucket of fresh problems

[Cronk]

are you talking about a corker? like where theres a hard bit that takes just a little convincing and then suddenly shoots out in a blast of liquidy poo?

or a shotgun that is the same thing minus the cork

shotgun. the one where you're praying to make it in time, and punishing the toilet with righteous fury with the opening salvo.

[$1.25]

maybe im sitting too far forward on the seat and my pee pee is bent at an awkward angle or something and thats how it happens

[tkups]

I've felt like that.

So exposed.

I hope no gay man walks into my toilet and gets all excited about my inside out ass.

[RhettSarlin]

prolapsed anus. think about it.

[nikolai]

i hate when you go in old houses and the toilets are smaller than modern toilets like they were made for little midgets

you can shit but your dick has zero room unless you wanna force it down into the chamber and have it touching the rim

[$1.25]

ever poop with a boner? there's whole bucket of fresh problems

all the time

then you feel the piss coming on

and you hope the streamll reach the sink

[DUATE]

ever get that one perfect splash that just so happens to homing missle it's way right into your open asshole and give you a startling shock?

[tkups]

Ever felt really hungry, so you eat while taking a dump?

Its like you're betraying the whole spirit of the thing.

[nikolai]

ever poop with a boner? there's whole bucket of fresh problems

masturbation and pooping go well together

[Cronk]

maybe im sitting too far forward on the seat and my pee pee is bent at an awkward angle or something and thats how it happens

I think it's bouncing off the bowl. I can't imagine it happening any other way.

Has anyone ever accidently shat on the back of the toilet seat? I'm always afraid I will, but it hasn't happened yet.

[tkups]

Somehow my brother broke the toilet while pooping drunk. I never got the details.

[Q-4PO]

when youre taking a shit, have you ever accidentally pissed on your balls?

Wha.. Wait.. How? Like splashback?


On a somewhat related sidenote you ever get those split stream pisses. Happens after sex sometimes to me. One stream going right into the toilet the other right on the floor. And you have to make a quick desicision on which stream will do the least amount of damage.

[$1.25]

Ever felt really hungry, so you eat while taking a dump?

Its like you're betraying the whole spirit of the thing.

yeah ive done that

my girls like

WHY IS THERE A BAG OF CHIPS IN HERE

[DUATE]

I think it's bouncing off the bowl. I can't imagine it happening any other way.

Has anyone ever accidently shat on the back of the toilet seat? I'm always afraid I will, but it hasn't happened yet.
i did once, but only because it was a shotgun and i didnt have time to align the right way. a little bit got on the back lip.

[nikolai]

i always had an irrational fear of a snake coming out of the toilet and entering my exposed anus

[tkups]

You duck the head and push on through. The streams merge eventually.

[Cronk]

i hate when you go in old houses and the toilets are smaller than modern toilets like they were made for little midgets

you can shit but your dick has zero room unless you wanna force it down into the chamber and have it touching the rim

wait. waitwaitwaitwaitwait.

You keep your dick outside the toilet most of the time? I sit WAAAAY back on the toilet seat to avoid dick-on-porcelain contact... I couldn't IMAGINE dick-outside-toilet

[Kirby]

Seriously though, how would you piss on your own balls? You'd need small hardware and no water pressure.

I bet a small penis, really hangy balls, and long ball hair would do the trick. Like...the pee hits the hair and drains down to your sack.

Not that I would know anything about that, just theorizing.

[DUATE]

Wha.. Wait.. How? Like splashback?


On a somewhat related sidenote you ever get those split stream pisses. Happens after sex sometimes to me. One stream going right into the toilet the other right on the floor. And you have to make a quick desicision on which stream will do the least amount of damage.uh every male who has ever masturbated and or had sex has experienced the split

[RhettSarlin]

ever poop with a boner? there's whole bucket of fresh problems

http://www.bash.org/?714672

<DW>So, I had to get a colonoscopy today
<DW>That's where they stick a camera up your ass and take pictures of your intestines
<Relentless>that's just great
<DW>Anyway, that part wasn't bad, the bad part was the prep for it
<pyr0>which was...
<DW>I didn't eat anything yesterday. Starting at 3 PM I had to drink about 2 liters of this shit that would help clear my intestines out. Basically, from 3 PM until about 12 I had SEVERE abdominal cramps. I mean severe. I'm talking about rolling around on the floor punching shit severe
<DW>Anyway, during this, I started to get horny for some reason
<DW>It was a strange feeling really. Not even being able to stand up because of crippling pains, and yet at the same time, having a raging boner and wanting to jack off
<Relentless>this wont end well
<DW>Anyway, I had been shitting brown water since 3 (that's what the nasty shit I drank did), and I needed to again. But since I had a huge boner I figured I'll take care of it while I'm in the can. So, I'm standing over the toilet cranking one off, and I'm getting the shits, so I sit down. Just before I'm about to cum, I start feeling like I'm going to puke. Now, I had vomit brewing for awhile. You know that feeling you get when you're going to puke? When you start to feel sick and start salivating a lot? I had been getting that since I went to the bathroom. Anyway it built up enough that I started VIOLENTLY and LOUDLY puking. I'm fucking lucky the sink is right next to the toilet. The force of this caused me to begin shooting shit-water out of my ass with the force of a pressure washer. The spasming of my entire body caused my hand to move around enough that I started cumming.
<DW>So after all was said and done, I had a line of fire burning a line from my balls to and up my asscrack, puke in the sink, and cum covering my legs.
<DW>Yeah yesterday was not a good day :\
*LONG pause*
<pyr0>...
<Neo>what the fuck
<SSB>.....
<CT_Frog>o_o
<MMB>You have lived more in that one moment than anyone else in their entire lives

[Welshy]

ever get that one perfect splash that just so happens to homing missle it's way right into your open asshole and give you a startling shock?

I love that .

it's like the toilet is winking at me


like gentle sexual harrassment that you pretend not to like

[nikolai]

Wha.. Wait.. How? Like splashback?


On a somewhat related sidenote you ever get those split stream pisses. Happens after sex sometimes to me. One stream going right into the toilet the other right on the floor. And you have to make a quick desicision on which stream will do the least amount of damage.

i get rid of this by physically removing the sperm that dangles in the tip before it coagulates into stream blockage.

[tkups]

dick outside toilet is like saying "I don't care if I accidentally piss on the floor!"

[Cronk]

On a somewhat related sidenote you ever get those split stream pisses. Happens after sex sometimes to me. One stream going right into the toilet the other right on the floor. And you have to make a quick desicision on which stream will do the least amount of damage.

That's what I meant by "condom piss". Creates blockage and you shoot to the side or some other damned angle besides straight out.

[Q-4PO]

i always had an irrational fear of a snake coming out of the toilet and entering my exposed anus

haha yea to this day i still look every time before i sit down to lessen the odds of having a snake crawl up my ass.

[nikolai]

wait. waitwaitwaitwaitwait.

You keep your dick outside the toilet most of the time? I sit WAAAAY back on the toilet seat to avoid dick-on-porcelain contact... I couldn't IMAGINE dick-outside-toilet

yeah it happens to be a lot

but i cant sit too far back lest i shit on the seat

so i let it hang out in the breeze

[$1.25]

i think hes saying theres no room to sit back and the only way your getting tiny tim in the bowl is by force

[nikolai]

exactly, and i dont stick my dick in the splash zone

so it gets a little atmosphere

[Welshy]

wait. waitwaitwaitwaitwait.

You keep your dick outside the toilet most of the time? I sit WAAAAY back on the toilet seat to avoid dick-on-porcelain contact... I couldn't IMAGINE dick-outside-toilet

I sit forward a bit because when I was little I did a shit at grandmas and after, when I got up and turned o flush, I saw a huge fucking huntsman spider on the seat lid.

I was tramatized, I couldn't poop at any toilet for like 10 years without checking thoroughly around the bowl and cistern for spiders.

[nikolai]

when i go to australia im not shitting for weeks

[Kirby]

when i go to australia im not shitting for weeks

That's going to make for an eventful homecoming.

[$1.25]

i just worked out the math

tiny tim is just being bent back towards my balls by the porcelain

i think

[tkups]

I was shitting a week ago and I was divebombed by a moth. I jumped up with half a log sticking out of me. It snapped off, and barely made the bowl.

[nikolai]

you guys ever play bombers

[Cronk]

i think hes saying theres no room to sit back and the only way your getting tiny tim in the bowl is by force

Oh, wierd.

But I'm not 19 anymore. Mine pretty much just lays on my balls and crouches in the toilet of it's own accord.

[nikolai]

just in case theres any misunderstanding

bombers is where you hang on to the very top of the stalls, having your feet way above the toilet itself, and you let loose from an altitude of 7 feet or so

[Cronk]

i just worked out the math

tiny tim is just being bent back towards my balls by the porcelain

i think

dude......

how do you let tiny tim touch the bowl? open orifice man!

[Cronk]

just in case theres any misunderstanding

bombers is where you hang on to the very top of the stalls, having your feet way above the toilet itself, and you let loose from an altitude of 7 feet or so

I want to try this at the office now, but there's only like 5 guys working there atm. Too much accountability.

Maybe I'll wait until they hire the next new male... he'd be blamed for sure. :shifty:

[tkups]

Me and my friends play it together. We build cities in our toilets, yell "GO!" Then scramble over the separating stall wall and try to overturn the other's fortress before ours is. Your feet can't touch the ground, nor your ass go below the top of the back of the toilet.

[DUATE]

this is MUCH better than a 5 page daycru BUSH SUX OMG thread

[nikolai]

I was shitting a week ago and I was divebombed by a moth. I jumped up with half a log sticking out of me. It snapped off, and barely made the bowl.

i'd never do that.

punch that moth right in the nuts.

[Welshy]

http://img105.imageshack.us/img105/6076/spiderpoopfg5.jpg (http://imageshack.us)

[Cronk]

so when my family asks me why I stayed up so late last night, how do I explain it to them?

[tkups]

It looks like you have a backwards schlong coming out your left leg.

And you've crapped on it.

[DUATE]

I've never been able to do the courtesy flush. I get freaked out when I'm sitting on a flushing toilet, mid-shit

[nikolai]

hahahaha

thermal exhaust port

[nikolai]

I've never been able to do the courtesy flush. I get freaked out when I'm sitting on a flushing toilet, mid-shit

neither have I, but that doesnt stop me from verbally berating others for not using courtesy flushes

[Q-4PO]

just in case theres any misunderstanding

bombers is where you hang on to the very top of the stalls, having your feet way above the toilet itself, and you let loose from an altitude of 7 feet or so

Ah i was wondering how you people got shit on the walls in public restrooms. Are you also one of the people who shits in the urinals? It always seems like the urinal/wall shitters leave no witnesses. I dont see how, a guy squatting over a urinal would be pretty hard to miss.

[Cronk]

Is part of your leg detaching and flinging poo into the toilet like a lever?

edit: dammit tkp....

[$1.25]

have you guys ever sat down to shit, and then when you stand up you see that your dick has blood on it because your bitch of a girlfriend gushed period blood on the front of the porcelain or seat or something some fucking how and you freak out because you think your dicks bleeding and then when you realize what happened you run out into the bedroom where shes been nesting all week with your pants around your ankles to confront her and shes like IM SORRY and starts crying because shes a giant period hormone

[DUATE]

I hate when you go into a public bathroom and there's already some dudes in there shitting and you just KNOW you're going to have a jailbreak of farts before your dump makes it out to the party

[Welshy]

NOPE

[nikolai]

no i think you're alone there 125

[$1.25]

dude......

how do you let tiny tim touch the bowl? open orifice man!

the orifice isnt touching

just like

the neck

besides its my toilet

if i cant touch my own dick to my own toilet then why the fuck am i even bothering to continue this charade i call my life

[DUATE]

no but i've had sex with a girl on her period who didn't tell me so, with the lights off, and then afterwards i found my cock slathered with blood and realized WHY that sex smelled so bad

[Cronk]

have you guys ever sat down to shit, and then when you stand up you see that your dick has blood on it because your bitch of a girlfriend gushed period blood on the front of the porcelain or seat or something some fucking how and you freak out because you think your dicks bleeding and then when you realize what happened you run out into the bedroom where shes been nesting all week with your pants around your ankles to confront her and shes like IM SORRY and starts crying because shes a giant period hormone

Well, you jumped into this man-thread with both feet, that's for sure.

dut: I wait until the other guy leaves if that happens.

[tkups]

I'm with 125 in the dickseat department

[Cronk]

the orifice isnt touching

just like

the neck

besides its my toilet

if i cant touch my own dick to my own toilet then why the fuck am i even bothering to continue this charade i call my life

Because your sharing a toilet with a hormonal freak who bleeds on the toilet?

[$1.25]

im a sharer

i like to share

[nikolai]

after getting my red wings i really have no fear of blood

[Welshy]

we got this new toilet seat with rubber shocks on it, so when it's down there's like a quarter-inch gap between the seat and the top of the bowl.


Anyway sometimes i'll be peeing and if its a lot of juice the pee will lift my wang up like a firehose and all off a sudden theres water spraying out of the little gap all over my pants and legs and im like "hhey, what is... shit ARGH SHIT"

[$1.25]

Because your sharing a toilet with a hormonal freak who bleeds on the toilet?

id rather have mystery blood on my dick once than live my life in fear

I HAVE CONQUERED YOU TOILET

YOU ARE MINE

[Cronk]

after getting my red wings i really have no fear of blood

It's a fuckin' heavy smell tho. And feels wierd.

But when ya gotta play, ya gotta play. In college, it's not always ideal when the roomates are outta town, so play while you can!

[Q-4PO]

I hate when you go into a public bathroom and there's already some dudes in there shitting and you just KNOW you're going to have a jailbreak of farts before your dump makes it out to the party

I would just go for it. He'll be long gone before you finish your shit fest. The odds of a face to face sink encounter is pretty low when it comes to 2 shitters. Too many variables.

[Welshy]

And you can explain to a house full of women why your pants are covered in pee spray

[nikolai]

you know lately i've been dribbling a lot after i piss

no matter how much i shake its still going to deposit another tablespoon

[tkups]

My sister complained that I didn't put back down her toilet seat after I used it. I was all "What are you, a shitty comedian? Women actually say those kinds of things? In real life?"

[Welshy]

Another page and we can drive all women out of gat forever

NO MA'AM

[Cronk]

we got this new toilet seat with rubber shocks on it, so when it's down there's like a quarter-inch gap between the seat and the top of the bowl.


Anyway sometimes i'll be peeing and if its a lot of juice the pee will lift my wang up like a firehose and all off a sudden theres water spraying out of the little gap all over my pants and legs and im like "hhey, what is... shit ARGH SHIT"

Worse: When there's just a small gap, I've hit the toilet seat and didn't notice it until I heard the pee trickling down the toilet bowl on the outside. fuckin' EVERYWHERE.

[nikolai]

It's a fuckin' heavy smell tho. And feels wierd.

But when ya gotta play, ya gotta play. In college, it's not always ideal when the roomates are outta town, so play while you can!

nah i'm always in a suite, so its never a problem


turn on the orange and purple lights, put on some massive attack for the love making, and no worries

[tkups]

It must be pretty great.

Being in contact with women.

I'm so lonely.

[nikolai]

you're missing out on good years being at digipen

[Cronk]

you know lately i've been dribbling a lot after i piss

no matter how much i shake its still going to deposit another tablespoon

I think it's some sort of muscle control, but I still haven't mastered it, no matter how I try to relax.

No matter how much you shake and dance, the last drops go in your underpants.

[DUATE]

you know lately i've been dribbling a lot after i piss

no matter how much i shake its still going to deposit another tablespoon
it's like when you fill up your gas tank and you're all finished and you take the nozzle out of your tank hole and it drips all over

fucking Fipple

[Cronk]

It must be pretty great.

Being in contact with women.

I'm so lonely.

after those years, all you have left is shit-convos.

[nikolai]

we'll see if kegels solves the problem

[$1.25]

have you ever been wearing shorts and even after you shake a single pee drop will somehow make a clean fall right out of your shorts and land right on your foot

[tkups]

And then they tell you you have a hole in your gas tank because they saw the leak and you wait for 3 hours until they realize what they did and have a good laugh and you're late for the dinner.

Worst Christmas ever.

[nikolai]

have you ever wanted to put botox in your junk so it would be smooth

[DUATE]

have you ever been wearing shorts and even after you shake a single pee drop will somehow make a clean fall right out of your shorts and land right on your foot
I call him

THE MOTHERFUCKER

[Welshy]

have you ever been wearing shorts and even after you shake a single pee drop will somehow make a clean fall right out of your shorts and land right on your foot

hahah all the time

[Q-4PO]

My sister complained that I didn't put back down her toilet seat after I used it. I was all "What are you, a shitty comedian? Women actually say those kinds of things? In real life?"

Yes they do. I have never got a straight answer as to why they want the entire lid down. When the seat is up i manage to not fall in, do they just not look before they sit?

[Cronk]

have you ever been wearing shorts and even after you shake a single pee drop will somehow make a clean fall right out and land right on your foot

inner calf. I have no idea how one drop manages to leave a pee-trail thru a forest of leg hair, and STILL hit a sock.

[tkups]

Thats why pissing in the shower is great.

You can't tell whats what.

[$1.25]

im all like

awww awwwwww man

oh well

then i have piss on my foot for the rest of the day

[Cronk]

Yes they do. I have never got a straight answer as to why they want the entire lid down. When the seat is up i manage to not fall in, do they just not look before they sit?

A few girls and I discussed this the other day. Apparently, women all shit in the dark.

It wierded me out and made me wish I was gay. Women never seemed as alien to me as they did at that moment.

[DUATE]

Thats why pissing in the shower is great.

You can't tell whats what.
peeing in the shower lets me know that i'm still in charge

[Welshy]

inner calf. I have no idea how one drop manages to leave a pee-trail thru a forest of leg hair, and STILL hit a sock.

in my head it looks like the opening scen in The Two Towers where gandlaf plummets down the huge crevice