[Humpty Hump]

I remember people used to actually put effort into those things.

Went to Lawton (50 mile drive) to go out for her birthday. We were just gonna go see a movie, go have a nice dinner and then get wasted.

But, then we saw this "Trail of Fright" and it looked really interesting and I'd hadn't gone to an actuall haunted house thing since I was a kid.

So, we had some problems finding the place because none of knew Lawton that well. But, we finally got there, and there was no indication as to when this place would be closing or anything.

So, we went up, paid, and got ready to go when we were approached by another man who was like "Did you guys want to go on the Axe Murderer Hay Ride" and I was all like "How much is it?"

"It's ten dollars per person."

"TEN DOLLARS?" I said.

But, my wife wanted to go and since it was her birthday, I took her. We also had our friend John with us, and John is a pretty big guy (Which will come into the story later).

Now, it's next to impossible to scare John or my wife, they love gore and shit like that. I don't. Basically I'm just a really defensive person, so when someone run at me with a knife, I don't scream, I jumped back and get ready to fight, even though I know it's all fake, my Flight or Fight response still kicks in.

Anyway...So, we jump on the hay infested trailor behind a tractor...really uncomfortable. And they give us a ride out into the middle of the desert, and I'm hyping myself up for it. I wanted to be scared. I was expecting some really gory and frightening shit because of how hyped up it was.

We get there, and there's a guy in a rubber mask...there like...wasn't even any effort in it, and when we got there, the tractor guy stops and says "Okay, everybody off."

"Why?" I asked.

"Because you're going to walk through this mine." He said.

"Well...then, it's not really a hay ride, you just gave us a lift to another haunted house..." I said.

"Well, this is where it's at." Then he shuts off the tractor and walks off into the desert.

I thought "Oh, this is part of the show, we're going to hear him screaming in a minute..."

Nope, a security guard comes up and shines a flash light into our eyes, and counts our head and re-affirms that we need to jump off the trailer.

We get there and guy in the rubber mask starts in "Blah blah blah, we're going to eat you, the people in back are going to die...blah blah blah."

And then some drunk, black guy behind starts talking stupid shit to the guy in the mask.

"Grandma has no teeth so she like to gum on people..." The guy in the mask says.

"Can I stick my dick in her mouth?" The blac guy said.

The black guy is quickly shushed by the security guard and warned against that.

So, we procede into what's not a mine at all, but a poorly set up Trailor Park with bodies spread everywhere.

Occasionally someone would be really into it and jump out and be "AAAAH BOOO!"

While everyone else obviously saw him hiding there.

Then we go into a trailer and they all start beating on the trailer making a really annoying sounds. It just sort of pissed you off more than anything.

Then we go outside, a guy starts up a chain saw and jumps in your face screaming like Leather Face.

My reaction was basically like "Dude...we paid for this?"

So, then we jump back on the trailer where a guy leaped into the middle of us to scare us, tripped hit head and fell off the trailer. Basically ruining our good time.

I was basically mad about that and wanted my money back. It wasn't worth ten bucks to start, it wasn't worth it when we were done. But, I didn't want to ruin anyone else's good time, so I decided to see how the haunted house was.

We walked up to the lady in the front where she said "Go in, hand your ticket to the guy into the tunnel, have a great time." In a really unithusiastic way.

So, we go into the tunnel...no guy. So we kept going. Into the next area where a really bad Witch was talking about her Crystal Balls or something....whatever.

We went through four areas of the Haunted House where nobody jumped out, nobody did anything. It was just a display of dead things.

Finally we come to an area where we see a bunch of dead guys smoking and talking and one of them says "Are we still open?" "Oh shit, get into your positions, quick!"

Too late, I had already lost my buzz. There were some cool parts, but nothing to really scare you, because the timing was off and everything.

Finally we come the "Mad Doctor" place where a nurse was babbling something about her patients and how they don't survive, and that she was hungry and she looked at John and said "You're a big boy! You'll fill me up just fine."

"...so, you're saying you wanna fuck?" John asked.

"...no, I meant you have a lot of meat on your bones!"

"So, you just called me fat....yeah, great horror scene, lady!" I giggled and we walked through, and we decided...well, it's time for us to start having a good time with them.

We rounded a corner where there was anothe witch talking about wanting to eat us.

"Who wants to be my dinner?"

"I'm down for that!" I said "Should I be on top or bottom?"

She kind of rolled her eyes and dropped the fake knife she was holding and sat back down.

Some people were cool with us, others were annoyed by us. At the end, their little store wasn't even open.

"Hey, nobody even punched out tickets, and like...half of the people in the house weren't even there. And you're Hay Ride sucked major ass. I'd like my money back." I said.

"Sorry, there's no refunds, but since nobody punched your tickets you guys can come back and come earlier next time because it'll be a whole different show."

"...yeah, we'll drive 50 miles for that." John said as we left...dissapointed, and ashamed in the world for their lack of effort.

I mean, it didn't even look like they put any effort into their decorations. They just went out and bought a bunch of dead body parts and cheap props and threw them around the ground. Some parts were cool...most sucked.




So, my wife wants to go back next weekend to see if it'll be more fun, because admittadly, we got there at like 10:30 pm and I'm sure all the actors were tired and just wanted to go home. One guy was sitting in a corner and we were like "Hey, we see you there!" and was all "I'm just waiting for you people to get through so I can go the fuck home."


So, if anyone ever offers you a haunted trail ride, don't take it...it's a rip off.



Summary: We went to two haunted houses, and they both basically sucked.

[MasterChief]

haha I need that black guys autograph

[tkups]

I'm sorry, I just read until "If someone comes at me with a knife, I jump back and get ready to fight"




hahahahahahahahahahaha

[Humpty Hump]

Originally Posted by The Khan Penguin

I'm sorry, I just read until "If someone comes at me with a knife, I jump back and get ready to fight"




hahahahahahahahahahaha

Is that not your reaction?

[Traged G-Unit]

you should have totally told the black guy to post here

[Humpty Hump]

Originally Posted by Traged-G

you should have totally told the black guy to post here

I thought about it, but whenever I tried to talk to him, he didn't really seem interested in talking to a fat, white guy.

A lot of the blacks out here are like that, they don't even like talking to white people.

[Son Gokuu]

That was a long post. I didn't feel like reading it. Just do the opposite and everything will be fine!

[Traged G-Unit]

Originally Posted by DellisTantor

I thought about it, but whenever I tried to talk to him, he didn't really seem interested in talking to a fat, white guy.

A lot of the blacks out here are like that, they don't even like talking to white people.

that's a shame...

then get your friend, the big witch fucker!

(I mean that in the best way possible...)

[Monkey]

It sounds like the haunted house I am setting up for the high school.

Wanna come drive 800 miles and pay 5 bucks?

It goes to the Katrina fund we are putting on.


I could give you the rest of the info, because I hear it everyday on the morning announcements. But I dont want to.

[Humpty Hump]

Originally Posted by MonkeyWithACold

It sounds like the haunted house I am setting up for the high school.

Wanna come drive 800 miles and pay 5 bucks?

It goes to the Katrina fund we are putting on.


I could give you the rest of the info, because I hear it everyday on the morning announcements. But I dont want to.

No. In fact, I'm done doing anything for those Katrina people. I have my reasons.

[Marcy]

tl;dr.

its because they have to avoid lawsuits

[Traged G-Unit]

Originally Posted by DellisTantor

No. In fact, I'm done doing anything for those Katrina people. I have my reasons.

two girls in my city were almost raped by katrina evacuees, fuck them

[Monkey]

Originally Posted by DellisTantor

No. In fact, I'm done doing anything for those Katrina people. I have my reasons.

No, I agree.

Not to mention we arent going to make anymore money because its katrina. Anyone who plans on donating, already did.

Not to mention I would way rather do a fund raiser for something less known. I always feel better when I donate to someone for a smaller cause, instead of something huge like katrina.

[Welshy]

Originally Posted by Son Gokuu

That was a long post. I didn't feel like reading it. Just do the opposite and everything will be fine!

Haha, standard dellis advice

[Welshy]

Also, im guessing they suck now because you're 27

[Kalad]

Thread summary:

blahblahblah

fight or flight response

blahblahblah

sexual remarks

blah blah

dissappointment.

[~Fallen Angel~]

I remember going on a ghsot train thingy at a carnival cos the dude that ran was like "You have to go on this its the scariest thing ever etc" so went on it with some friends and it was fuckin shite as most ghost trains are you know flashing lights, stupid stuff painted on the walls, funniest thign about it was this young fella that works there seen how pissed off I was kinda cos I kept going "This is fucking stupid" and legs it behind the cart in the dark and grabbed my hair and goes boo which yeah was kinda scary cos I didn't expect it and it was mad dark but still, the effort of the thing.

[jaymay15]

i went to one last week. they usually ahve 4 haunted houses in it, and this year they had 8.

yah, they just put a sign in the middle of the hosue that said 'entering house 2'. way to try to fool everyone.


i was scared at it when i was a kid becaue i had a hard time understanding the reality of the matter, and in my head, it was possible that these things could happen, therefore might be real. normal kid stuff.

but when 25 year old goth fags stand there and stare at you and breath on you, and ask you questions like 'WHY ARE YOU HERE WHERE ARE YOU GOING?' like thats supposed to creep us out. I just want to tell them Im there so they can afford another pack of cigarretes and more black hair dye.

[jaymay15]

hey dellis, maybe your wife likes the haunted houses because SHE IS SO YOUNG

[ChristmasJoe]

Finally we come to an area where we see a bunch of dead guys smoking and talking and one of them says "Are we still open?" "Oh shit, get into your positions, quick!"

Best part of the story.

[FarKalkir]

Originally Posted by The Khan Penguin

I'm sorry, I just read until "If someone comes at me with a knife, I jump back and get ready to fight"




hahahahahahahahahahaha

QFE

[BlindTyldak]

1.) it's supposed to be the opposite: the later you go, the cooler it gets. The actors don't get tired out, they stop holding back like they do for the little kids.

2.) don't piss off the actors. They are wearing masks. They can beat the shit out of you and there's not a thing you can do about it, because if you report to security they'll just say "hey, could be anyone, they switch scenes all the time".

3.) actually, you know what? Just don't go. You bitch about idiots who shop at wal-Mart, there's nothing worse than an idiot who goes out of his way to ruin the job you took to make money for christmas that you just have to put up with for ten more days.

[dnallivah]

Originally Posted by The Khan Penguin

I'm sorry, I just read until "If someone comes at me with a knife, I jump back and get ready to fight"




hahahahahahahahahahaha

QFE